“I can eat many things”
– Bortus “Krill” (S01E06)
Want to be the talk of your lunch table like Bortus on The Orville? Channel your inner Moclan and embrace the can-eat-anything attitude with these real-food substitutes and hacks.
Wasabi
You don’t need an iron-stomach like the Moclan to be able to eat wasabi, but that doesn’t make it any more pleasant to consume, especially in large quantities. So if you’re not up for the challenge, maybe swap it out for a look-alike. An avocado might do. My mom’s made that mistake in reverse before.
Napkin
Technically you could eat your napkin. I’m not going to suggest it though. However, edible paper does exist for baking and cake decorating so that could be useful in fooling your friends.
Cactus
Do not, I repeat do not attempt to eat an ordinary cactus you’d buy at the local garden center. Rather, try one of these edible cacti and succulent plants:
- Dragon Fruit
- Elephant Bush
- Prickly Pear
- Glasswort
- Purslane
It might not have the same wow factor, but something like the dragon fruit still looks pretty damn gnarly.
Glass
This should really really go without saying: Don’t eat glass. Fortunately, there’s another way to amaze – sugar glass or candy glass. Used by bakers and confectioners in their various creations, and even in the movies as a safer alternative to glass for stunts and the like, this stuff is rather convincing. The internet is teeming with candy glass recipes and video tutorials. Here’s one:
While the crew got called away before anything else could be requested via the synthesizer, a bag of nails was also mentioned as was a boot later on in the episode, so feel free to let your imagination run wild and find other edible objects. Just remember, it’s all fun and games until you eat a piece of pie with some Yaphit on it. Despite his gelatinous appearance, even Bortus would not recommend it.
